It’s Cold

The winter weather blew in last night, and all of us in North Carolina woke up freezing this morning. I’m not kidding; it’s cold! You’d think I’d be used to chilly weather, but I’m a June baby. I’m just not built for cool temps. My hands and feet are like ice cubes from October through March.

Instead of going to church today, I’m in hibernation mode, praying the power doesn’t go out. Our fireplace needs some repairs – and I can’t imagine being without heat right now. My teeth start chattering just thinking about it. 

You couldn’t pay me to go outside in this mess, but poor Brandon has already braved the freezing rain to take the dogs out this morning. When he came back in, he announced it was cold as balls outside. I’ve always wondered where that saying comes from. I think it might be a shortened version of it’s cold enough to freeze the balls off of a brass monkey.

Ever since Brandon came back in, I’ve had a bunch of different ways of describing how chilly it is floating around in my head. I figured since it’s freezing, y’all might get some good use out of them today.

Ways to Say It’s Cold Outside in North Carolina

  • It’s colder than a witch’s titty in a brass bra.
  • I’m freezing my butt off.
  • It’s cold as all get out.
  • It’s colder than a well digger’s butt.
  • I’m so cold my nipples could cut glass.
  • It’s colder than a mother-in-law’s heart.
  • It’s cold as whiz.
  • It’s colder than a brass toilet seat on the shady side of an iceberg.
  • It’s so cold I just saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets!
  • It’s colder than a penguin’s pecker.
  • It’s so cold the dogs are sticking to the fire hydrants.
  • It’s colder than a bucket of snowman piss.

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